Wedding Customs in Antebellum America

By: Megan Cooper

            Marriage has been considered a sacred institution throughout human history.  In William Shakespeare’s Twelfth Night, marriage is described as:

                    A contract of eternal bond of love,
                                Confirm’d by mutual joining of your hands,
                                Attested by the holy close of lips,
                                Strengthen’d by interchangement of your rings….[1]

In antebellum America the covenant of marriage was also an important rite of passage, particularly for women.  The accepted role of women during the antebellum period was that of wife and mother, making marriage a crucial apex in a young woman’s life.[2]  In a society where women played secondary roles in politics, economics, education, and everyday life the wedding was one occasion where females commanded the spotlight.  Regardless of their socio-economic level, weddings starred the bride. 

Though the institution of marriage was not always glamorous, many nineteenth century Americans began their marriages with beautiful wedding ceremonies.  Weddings were frequently elaborate social affairs, especially for well-to-do brides.  At no other time in her life would any young woman be as important as she was in the weeks leading up to her wedding.  In addition to being a religious ceremony, the wedding was an important social occasion in the community, particularly in the South.  Weddings provided an opportunity for distant relatives and friends to join together in a joyous celebration.  Antebellum southern weddings, including those in Georgia, were social events that marked a coming-of-age for many young women.

Weddings would have rarely taken place without the important tradition of courting.  In antebellum times courting couples were strictly supervised, especially in the South.[3]  Young women were told to “…behave honorably and sensibly.”[4]  They were also warned that the ways in which they conducted themselves during courtship would have a lasting impression on their husbands.[5]  Courtship was an important time in a young woman’s life, and many girls were quite young when they began courting.  Marriage in the late teens to early twenties was the norm, and girls were sometimes considered “old-maids” if they had not married by their mid-twenties.[6]  In rural areas girls sometimes married as young as thirteen or fourteen.[7]  However, the average age for most antebellum brides was between nineteen and twenty-three.  While this was later than most of the world it was earlier than Western Europe .[8]  In some cases men were even pushed to marry.  The 1849 letters of Corinna Aldrich to her brother, Mannevillette Brown, mention her concern that he was still a bachelor.  She told him he would be “a great deal happier” if he found a wife, but he never did.[9]

Courting customs varied in different parts of the country.  In the North “bundling,” a custom which may have originated with the Dutch, was a common courting ritual.  This involved a young man and woman being tucked into the same bed together for the night, either fully or partly dressed.  Obviously this led to marriages in which babies were born sooner than they should have been, and in some cases girls wound up with children and no husband.  Bundling was still a significant aspect of northern courting even with these risks.  Clergy, such as Rev. Samuel Peters, described it as being a polite, prudent, Christian custom.  Bundling was considered to be economically beneficial because it allowed the couple to spend time together without use of fuel and electricity.  Conservation of heat was important since courting took place in winter.  Another economic argument for bundling was the importance of knowing whether a couple would be able to have children.  This was because children were an important source of labor and were crucial to farm life.[10]  

Southern courtships were quite different from those in the North.  In the antebellum South courting frequently consisted of a young man visiting a young woman at her home, where they would sit in the parlor or on the front porch and talk under the watchful eye of a chaperone.  One story states that a man was so desperate to steal a kiss from his fiancée that he gave the attending servant a drugged peach to put her to sleep.[11]  Girls began to think about courting when they were quite young.  The diary of Julia I. Hand mentions the tradition of the dreaming cake, in which young girls would put a slice of wedding cake under their pillows and hope to dream “for a young gentleman.”  On her sixteenth birthday, January 3, 1848 , Julia described herself as “…poor miserable me…” because she did not have a beau.[12] 

However, courting was not always a joyful experience.  When Abraham Lincoln was courting Mary S. Owens he was upset by her physical appearance but said he would still marry her.  After Owens rejected his repeated proposals Lincoln said, “Others have been made fools of by the girls; but this can never be with truth said of me.  I most emphatically, in this instance, made a fool of myself.”[13]

            Family influence was very important in a young person’s decision to marry.  It was commonly assumed that the man’s father would speak to the woman’s father in order to decide on a dowry.  Dowries were sums of money or land that were given by the bride’s family to the groom.  If the girl’s father approved of the young man and agreement was reached regarding the dowry he would then give his permission and blessing to the marriage.[14]  In 1803 a sum of fifty pounds was used to cement the union of Richard Ferguson and Elizabeth Boothe in Kentucky .[15]

            The practice of asking a girl’s father for permission to marry often came in the form of letters.  This was particularly necessary when the man and woman lived in different towns, thus making it difficult for the young man to speak with her father in person.  In 1849 George Camp, the postmaster in Roswell, Georgia, sent a letter to Henry Atwood of Darien, Georgia regarding his daughter, Jane Atwood.  Camp explained his reasons for wishing to marry Jane and described his strong feelings for her, saying, “…its [his heart] citadel has completely surrendered & is now a prisoner at the mercy of the conqueror [Jane].”  An interesting aspect of Camp’s letter is his insistence that the reply contain the opinions of Mrs. Atwood, due to “The respect I have for the opinion of both parents in a case of this nature….”  Other young men may have sought the mother’s approval as well, but generally only the permission of the bride-to-be’s father was necessary.[16]  Mr. Atwood took kindly to George’s request, and Jane married him on April 9, 1850 in the Presbyterian church of Darien, Georgia .[17]

Marriage proposals took place in different ways, and in the South it was said that a woman should turn down her suitor’s proposals at least twice. [18]  This sometimes resulted in lawsuits by men whose proposals were accepted and then subsequently rejected when a more pleasing suitor came along.  Betsy Hansford’s suitor turned to her minister, Rev. John Camm, to aid him in winning her hand after several failed proposals.  Her reasons for not accepting his proposal became evident when she expressed her desire to marry the minister, which she did.[19]  Women were advised to seek counsel before agreeing to a man’s proposal.  Any letters received from suitors were to be discussed, ideally with her mother, before a reply was sent.[20] 

            Once an engagement had been finalized the couple would sometimes visit family members to extend personal invitations to the wedding.[21]  In other cases individual paper invitations were sent out, or a notice was simply placed in the newspaper inviting all who knew the couple to attend the ceremony.[22]  Engagement periods were generally short compared to today’s standards, with many being less than six months.  During this time all preparations for the wedding had to be made.  This frequently included making the bridal gown and attendant’s attire, and obtaining the trousseau.  The trousseau often included the wedding attire, undergarments, a “second day dress,” traveling clothes for the wedding trip, and accessories such as shoes, gloves and bonnets.[23]   

            Bridal attire in the antebellum period was often very different than what is now commonly associated with weddings.  By the nineteenth century veils had come back into fashion in America.  This resurgence of popularity may have been influenced by the famous story of Martha Washington’s granddaughter, Nellie Custis, who wore a lace veil in her 1799 wedding.  This was supposedly because the first time her husband gazed upon her through a set of lace curtains he thought she was the most beautiful girl he had ever seen.  Therefore, she made sure he looked at her through lace on their wedding day.[24] 

White was rarely worn by brides for much of the antebellum period.  Women typically chose silk that was brown or dove for their wedding dresses.[25]  In 1840 Queen Victoria wore a white satin dress accented with orange blossoms to her “wedding of the century.”  Her dress helped make the use of white for gowns more popular, though it would still be years before white was used with any exclusivity.[26]  In the early to mid-1800s empire waists and straight skirts were all the rage for wedding gowns, but by 1850 large hoop skirts had become popular.  Colorful dresses were often worn by brides who did not have the extra money to spend on a gown which might be worn only once.  This description of bridal attire in 1859 Missouri is very different from the traditional vision of a wedding gown:

                                …tight bodice, a necklace neckline and dropped shoulders with
                                flowing sleeves.  …material used was linsey-woolsey…produced
                                only on American farms and plantations.  …blocks of dark and
                                light gray…formed stripes around her 5-yard skirt.  The gray
                                was broken by a 2” band of wine-colored wool and natural linen
                                stripes alternating.[27]

This type of gown was also more practical because the bride often traveled immediately after the ceremony.  Brides sometimes chose gowns that could be worn again, often wearing them to another wedding.  Jane Atwood Camp wore her 1850 wedding gown to the wedding ceremony of Mittie Bulloch and Theodore Roosevelt, Sr. in 1853.[28]   

Though white was not usually worn by the bride, it was often worn by her attendants.  The bridesmaids at Mary Williams Jones’ 1851 Athens, Georgia wedding wore white dresses with pale blue veils, and at Cornelia Jones Pond’s 1853 marriage in Liberty County, Georgia the attendants wore white silk dresses covered with white tulle, white sashes, gloves, and slippers.[29]  Ceremonies were sometimes held in churches, but often took place in the home of the bride with clergy officiating.  The ceremony itself was generally simple, consisting of the bride and groom repeating their vows to one another in the presence of family and friends.  After the ceremony, sometimes for a period of days, there would be, “alternate feasting and dancing, often till broad daylight.”[30]  In keeping with the agricultural timetable antebellum weddings often took place in late spring or in winter to avoid the seasons of planting, heavy field work, and harvest.[31] 

Cornelia Jones Pond gives a detailed description of the July 29, 1851 wedding festivities of her brother William “Louis” Jones, a University of Georgia professor, to Miss Mary Williams.  The wedding took place just prior to Commencement Week at the college.  Cornelia was a bridesmaid, and Mrs. Williams invited the attendants to tea a few days before the wedding so they could meet each other.  The ceremony was held at the home of the bride in Athens, Georgia.  Guests included prominent Athens citizens (Hull, Lumpkin, Le Conte) as well as figures associated with the University.  After the ceremony the guests enjoyed an “elegant” supper.  The following day guests called on the newlyweds and were again served refreshments.[32] 

Cornelia’s description of her own wedding in 1853 gives an excellent picture of the wedding supper.  She married Thomas Pond on July 14 at her family’s Liberty County, Georgia plantation.  It was customary for a supper to be served after the ceremony, a tradition similar to today’s receptions.  However, during antebellum times giving wedding gifts was not a custom.  Cornelia’s wedding supper was “most bountiful and elegant,” and contained turkey, ham, bread, biscuits, jellies, various cakes, ice cream, gelatin, candy, and fruit.[33] 

“Wedding tours” or “nuptial journeys” became increasingly popular among wealthier couples by the 1820s.[34]  These trips lasted anywhere from a few weeks to several months, and generally consisted of sightseeing and visiting far-off relatives.  Louis and Mary Jones began their wedding tour about a week after their marriage and the University of Georgia commencement in July 1851.  The trip lasted until mid-September.  They traveled all over northern Georgia, stopping in Atlanta, Marietta, Cartersville, Chattanooga, and Stone Mountain .  Louis’ younger sister, Cornelia, accompanied them on their wedding trip, a practice that was not uncommon.[35]  Jane Atwood’s sister, Ruth Ann Dunwoody, suggested that their younger sister Sarah accompany Jane and George on their wedding trip to Niagara Falls.  Sarah did not go on the trip, possibly because the newlyweds simply ignored the suggestion.[36]   

The 1853 wedding of Mittie Bulloch and Theodore Roosevelt, Sr. was a typical upper-class southern wedding.  Mittie was eighteen years old at the time of the wedding and Theodore was twenty-two.  They courted for four months and were married just before Christmas.  The wedding took place at Mittie’s family home, Bulloch Hall in Roswell, Georgia. Simple seasonal decorations such as holly berries, mistletoe, garlands, and pine boughs were used.  White tapers in silver candelabras gave the dining room a glow of elegance and simplicity.[37] 

Mittie’s gown was white silk with an illusion veil that fell the full length of her train.  Instead of carrying flowers she carried a small prayer book given to her by Theodore.  Her four bridesmaids wore white muslin gowns with full skirts and carried evergreens.[38]  After the ceremony an elaborate dinner with meats, salads, and desserts was served.  Ice cream, made with ice which had been brought from the north by boat to Savannah and then by wagon to Roswell, was a favorite among the guests.  The massive white wedding cake had been decorated by Mittie and her friends at “cake icing” parties prior to the wedding.[39]  Theodore and Mittie had a beautiful wedding in keeping with the upper-class southern weddings of the antebellum period.

Antebellum weddings were important social events in which women played the central role.  This event gave women a chance to feel extremely important before the realities of marriage and motherhood set in.  The bride’s female family members and close friends planned the ceremony and the pre-and post-wedding activities, and oversaw the making of the dresses, items for the trousseau, and the wedding supper.  For many young women, particularly those of the upper class, the wedding day was their chance to be the center of attention.  From her grand entrance to her departure on the wedding trip, all eyes were fixed on the bride.  Weddings in Georgia, including Athens, maintained the tradition that the bride was the focal point of the wedding.  For once her opinions and wishes truly mattered, and people worked to please her.  Though it would be decades before women gained equality with men, the focus on the bride throughout the antebellum period made weddings one occasion on which the importance of women surpassed that of men.     

Links

Marietta History Museum

Bulloch Hall, Roswell , GA

Victorian Wedding Customs

Wedding Traditions from Around the World

Wedding Traditions