Mandy Bishop   

Hist 4000 / Gagnon

April 29, 2003

The Southern Lady: A focus on white elite women 

and the world in which they lived

        Southern women have long been a focal point of defining what exactly it means to be from the south. Women from the South hold with them a strong label of being religious, charitable, selfless, cheerful, beautiful, modest, and intelligent without being overbearing. This is an idea that has been around as long as southern women have existed. In 1836, Augustus Baldwin Longstreet defined a Southern woman as being: 

                                   …pious but not austere, cheerful, but not light; generous but

                                            not prodigal; economical, but not close; hospitable but not

                                            extravagant…. To have heard her converse you would have

                                            supposed she did nothing but read, to have looked through the

                                            departments of her household you would have supposed she never

                                            read….Everything under her care went on with perfect system.

The lifestyle of an elite southern woman was that of respect and duty for one’s family, and that was noticed most of all by those inside of the southern community. Men and women of the South helped carry on to the mystique surrounding the legend of southern women by adding their thoughts and feelings on issues facing women in the South during the pre Civil War era.

During the antebellum period, a proper woman of the time would have never associated with women whose femininity seemed too obviously connected to their sexuality. Although a southern lady was inclined to attract the attentions of a gentleman, sexuality was always under the surface of her actions, and it was preferred for it to be beneath the surface of her conscious awareness as well [i].  People who believed that the word “lady” was a natural quality of genteel southern women, also believed in the idea that the Southern Lady was connected to aristocratic roots in England where the term originated with definite definition. A definition that said in order to be a true lady the woman must come from the “right family” [ii].  Often in chivalrous literature, the belles of the South were known to attract heroic suitors with their “beauty and charm,” but in doing so they also faced criticism if they gave the appearance of deviating from the ideal of sexual purity [iii]. The romantic ideal that followed the southern belle mystique was even apparent in her non-sexual relationships. The cases found in those relationships between father and daughter or between sisters illustrated the non-sexual relation aspect of southern women [iv]. Ladies of the South were understood to be creatures of idealized standards and family life. As for her role in life, she was to uphold those standards and family life with her chin up and without any indignation.

As for most women during antebellum times, a woman was seen to have her home and affairs within that home to occupy her time. This was where wifely and motherly occupation may be called “the sole business of a woman,” and if she did not have that, then she was seen as having “nothing” [v]. These ideas were gathered from Harriet Martineau, an economist and novelist and the author of Society In America, is a primary source because she lived during the time frame being discussed within this piece. She was born in 1807 and died in 1876, allowing her to witness the encompassing life aspects of the pre and post Civil War era. Therefore, it can be inferred that her ideals about life at the time were almost, if not completely, accurate from her standpoint.

Since a woman’s place was seen to be within the home, it may seem odd that women of the South were ever found anywhere else. However, evidence proves that it was common to find ladies within the gallery of the legislature whenever the occasion was available for them to do so. Their interest was not always limited in law making, though it was more commonly used as a source of entertainment, especially when there was a murder trial to take place. These women were also often taken to “political celebrations, toasted at political dinners, and danced with at political balls” [vi]. But that was about the extent and limit of their public activities and influence over political matters outside of the individual acknowledgements of some men, and their meager influences over their husbands within conversations that took place inside the home. Legal issues were not of much concern for women at the time because they were hardly allowed any legal rights, and felt no reason to dabble in such a masculine domain. A married woman’s greatest legal liability was her lack of property rights [vii]. Courts of the time were more willing to be friendly to a woman’s financial interest, but they also expected her to keep her marriage contract no matter what. Abuse was not even a reason to discontinue a marriage, and usually the court tended to hold a woman’s misconduct as a more serious offense than that of her husband [viii]. Before 1860, a married woman’s position in Georgia was “always hazardous, frequently humiliating, and often tragic” [ix]. Nevertheless, her actual status was more often determined by her and her husband’s public character, their personal relation to each other, the use they made of the laws, and even by public opinion alone more than by the ordinances themselves [x].  

Distinctly aristocratic, Southern society was divided into many loosely defined classes.  The most established families of the South were known as the “planters.”  With their numerous slaves and vast amounts of acreage, these families stood at the top of the social scale.  Although there were considerably few people within this group, in proportion to the rest of the population, they were the “articulate and ruling class” [xi].  For example in Athens during 1860, the “planters” numbered about seventy among the five hundred and forty-four slave owners in its white population 12.  The other classes below the “planters” were known as the “crackers”- deriving their name from the custom of cracking corn for hominy [xii], others from the long whips of the wagoner's [xiii].  The “cotton snobs” [xiv] were a class located between the previous two that had some slave ownership, but lacked the lineage necessary for access to the “planter” class. Finally there was the great mass of “poor whites” [xv].  The “poor whites” held little power in political and economic life in the South and yet they constituted for a great deal of social problems [xvi].  In respect towards examining women in these classes throughout history, there has not been much effort until recently to uncover the truths about all types of women from the South.  All to often women from categories other than “planter” were seen merely as members of some great mass, not having anything to do with the main story behind being a southern woman.  Such diversity issues, as the ones found in today’s research, counter popular beliefs of a pre-cast notion of the South in which the prototypical southern woman is a white “lady” [xvii].  However, the focus of this piece will continue to be one of southern white elite women and the many factors that helped to define who these ladies were.

            In the early to mid 1800’s, despite the progress in business, manufacturing, and other areas, planter families and their slaves were still incredibly influential over the economy of Clarke County, Georgia [xviii].  Even though Clarke County was becoming a center for higher education with it’s addition of the University of Georgia in 1785, it was still not very likely that many of the females located in the area would be pressed to continue their education above a grammar school level.  Life was relatively simple and most people in Clarke County kept busy with their farms, and others with their churches.  For the children who were fortunate enough to be able to attend school, there was one grammar school in addition to the university and its grammar school [xix].  For the young ladies there was an opening of a seminary in Athens in July 1803.  Mrs. Allan, formerly of London, announced that any young lady could be boarded there for instruction in French, English, geography, writing, arithmetic, “and all kinds of fashionable needle work- at one hundred dollars per ‘annum’” [xx].  Although this was a welcomed school, it was still not equal to the standards set for males.  The idea that fashionable needlework courses would serve as a type of lure to attract females into attending the seminary school proves that females were still far behind the academic principles allotted to males. 

Masculine tastes demanded glamorous genteel behavior flavored with devoutness, so schools often shaped their curriculum around that end.  From 1783 to 1860 there were few occupations for which a woman might prepare herself for, and therefore the principal objectives of a Georgia girl’s formal education were the three R’s, social status, and a wedding ring.  Even though the trend to strengthen women’s education was on the rise, it was still in much of the public opinion that “it was almost a reproach to be called literary,” and that often a clever woman was seen as a “perfect horror” [xxi].  One of the earliest advocates for substantial education for women was Eugenius A. Nesbit, of Georgia.  He wanted women to know that their lives had more purpose to them than to “merely attract admiration, and to catch a beau” [xxii].  Nesbit was unclear on why young ladies seemed to openly acknowledge inferiority to the opposite sex, and devolve their duties and honors of society upon men.  A woman named Clara from Newton County, Georgia had an answer that was very true for the time.  The fact that she knew just what was going on in society made the following passage all the more disappointing because it proved how women were led to believe they should act in a certain way as not to upset “the way things were.”  Clara answered Nesbit’s question with:

If a lady chance to acquire an education…she must keep her  

knowledge a profound secret, if she wishes to mix in society,

 for should it once get abroad that she is learned…introduce any 

topic of discourse farther than some remark on the party in 

which she was engaged the preceding evening the title of female

 pendant…blue stocking will be awarded her…This ridicule or

 at least the dread of it, has…been the cause that many a highly

 gifted female has consented to bury her talent in oblivion

 that to expose herself to sneers of a fashionable world.[xxiii]

To reiterate on the point that many men viewed women’s academic endeavors as almost comical, an example is provided in a letter written by Dr. Richard Arnold, of Savannah, to his daughter Ellen.  The letter was intended to reassure her about her academic pursuits at her Philadelphia school.  Yet when the comments are viewed under today’s knowledge, the reader cannot help but take notice of the condescending tone used by Dr. Arnold when he said he “would not laugh” at Ellen if she took “a fancy to Latin” [xxiv]. 

            Even though there were hardships on all aspects of education for all women in some form or another, the idea of formal education was seen as a badge of class distinction, even in elementary subjects.  Since formal education was often acquired by paying fees to a tutor or teacher, the poor children were placed behind an impassible barrier that only widened with every passing year.  This impassible barrier was especially predominant “in the Southern States” where the expense of education was great, and illiteracy was so general that out of a hundred children in one community, it was found that only two could repeat the Lord’s Prayer [xxv].  When viewing the idea of education from the economic perspective of payment for education, it is apparent that there were many wealthy female children receiving far more education than the poor male children, and even more so than poor female children.  Education for money was serving as a means to cause the gap between the classes to grow even larger, and the elite male and female southerners to become even more empowered.  White elite women were obtaining yet another edge over much of their society thanks to their wealth.  Yet their new empowerment was still not enough to allow them total equality with male counterparts of their same financial status.  Since women were not usually allowed many property rights, a female tended to be wealthy because of her relation, in some form or another, to a male who was wealthy himself.  This tended to be most often women from plantation or “planter” families.

            Women were very infrequently allowed to work outside of their homes, and this could be viewed as another way for the men in their lives to have a sense of control over them. A woman’s life on the plantation was rarely that of the carefree, wealthy women we have seen in movies or read in books, and that we as a society tend to accept as truths.  Contrary to popular belief, a plantation mistress had plenty of hard work to do around and within her home.  In antebellum Georgia, as in other places at the time, women were expected to have a high degree of skill in many areas of life, and although slaves were owned, this was not considered a means to simplify tasks.  If nothing else it was deemed a means to complicate things around the plantation.  One husband who bemoaned “how much harder” he and his “poor wife” worked than their slaves did, and longed for the comforts he and his “old woman” might have enjoyed in their old age if they “were not hampered by fifteen Negroes,” was not alone [xxvi].  There were many other slave holding families that felt the same way as the previous man. 

Though the labor intense portion of plantation life was usually accomplished through the work of slaves, the head mistress or wife of the plantation master was in charge of many things. The work of a plantation mistress was indeed difficult and time consuming.  She was, in a sense, the superintendent of her household and everything that went on in it or around it.  She held many roles within her corner of the world.  Sometimes the mistress would act as a spiritual advisor, seeing as she was expected to be highly religious and intelligent.  She would also act as a nurse or doctor whenever someone under her care became ill, or needed some sort of medical attention.  There have been many accounts of mistresses providing mid-wife services to those in need.  Also, she would sometimes serve as a teacher for her children, and sometimes even for some of the children of her slaves; although the slave children were usually limited in their studies to the task of becoming literate.  Above all else, mistresses worked at being a friend to the blacks under their care.  These tasks may not sound like very much to some, but when the number of people under the mistresses’ care is taken into consideration, the tasks tend to multiply in number and need.  Often the hands of the mistress were stained with dyes and bore the marks of scissors, because slaves could not be trusted to do their own sewing properly [xxvii].  Among the many complex duties of a mistress were: spinning, weaving, dying, soap making, preserving, pickling, sewing, mending, quilt making, coverlet weaving, kitchen and pantry work,   and “spring house” and poultry yard – all of which the mistress was to superintend [xxviii]. 

Along with all the needs of the household, all of the slaves wants had to be attended to. The slave children received some education as mentioned previously, while the older daughters were launched into society and their visitors were to be received and entertained with none other than the world famous “southern hospitality.”  Although the mistress was usually caring towards her slaves within her home and in front of guests, it was in the slaves quarters that she met stark reality with efficiency and as much dignity as possible.  In the drawing room she was to pretend ignorance of it with poise and charm.  This was all done in the course of a day.  The idea of everything being done with poise and charm goes back to the ideal of what a southern woman had to act like in front of others; as if everything she had done was effortless and overly appreciated.  Running a plantation from the inside out was indeed a difficult task, but it was a task that had come to be expected from the mistresses of the South.  These women ruled their domain with a gentle yet, firm and respected hand. 

It was contended that slavery was very beneficial to women of the nineteenth century because it allowed for women to be delivered from a certain form of bondage. Within a slave society the woman “ceases to be a mere ‘beast of burden’ – becomes the cheering animating center of the family circle.” The result of the institution of slavery, "we find (woman) at once elevated, clothed with her all her charms, mingling with and directing society in which she belongs, no longer the slave, but the equal and idol of man” [xxix].  This comment is a glorification of women’s roles in southern elite life, but it fails to present the complete truth.  Women in fact were not man’s equals.  They were still being treated as objects themselves, and as the rightful property of their husband.  In reality, women were in subordinate positions to their husbands much like the slaves were in subordinate positions to the mistress and the master.  The system of hierarchy was alive and well in the south, and this could especially be found within marriages.

In the state of Georgia prior to the Civil War, an unmarried woman stood equal to her brother before the institutions of law, but it was in her husband that she was able to find her legal grave. Through his death was the widow’s resurrection.  After marriage a husband was the owner of all of his property, as well as all of the property of his new bride, minus her separate personal estate and her dowry.  With this property a man could do as he pleased. He was free to squander, hoard, or settle as he saw fit. 

There were many differences in the attitudes taken towards men and women within marriages and their acceptable roles.  For instance, a man was within his marital rights if he beat his wife; however if another “trespassed” upon this privilege, the man was entitled to collect damages.  The woman was merely sent home to tend to her wounds.  If the woman decided to leave the home or run out on the husband, he could press charges on those who might have harbored her.  But if she drove him out for some reason he would have the law on her [xxx].  Even if a man was to murder his wife, the courts often treated the cases as if it were the murder of a stranger. If a woman was to murder her husband it was often treated like that of a case of treason, for she had murdered the “king” of the castle.  In the case of children, the rule of patriarch was no exception.  His children may be able to inherit her wealth and property, while her children came away penniless.  The legitimate children were his and the illegitimate hers [xxxi].  The man was his wife’s guardian at all times and she was his only when he was insane [xxxii]. 

Even though there were many harsh realities to marriage, entering into matrimony was viewed as a woman’s best chance at happiness and the opportunity to wed was rarely turned down.  The classic chase of a young upper class Georgia girl in the antebellum period was expected to be the spirit of romanticism.  It was filled with admirers who doted on the girls every word, and the idea of chivalry was alive and well. Although within marriage there are many unwanted aspects that can arise from a man’s dominance over a woman, there is no doubt that marriage in America was safer, more tranquil, and more fortunate than it was in England.  However, these marriages within America were still subject to troubles, which most often arose from the inequality of the mind and occupations of the two parties involved [xxxiii]. 

              Even within a religious realm there is the order of a caste system.  The distinctive characteristics may vary from case to case, but there will be rank and tenacity of rank wherever there is any form of society.  Such is the case in the world of religion.  The antebellum social and ecclesiastical order in Georgia, in agreement with tradition, had inconsistently expected women to find their greatest expression within the Church.  In doing so it was demanded that a woman abstain from actual self-expression while within the confines of the church itself [xxxiv].  The issue of women in the church and their rights within it was an ongoing struggle of the time, and one that was met head on each time and with much dissatisfaction from the many of preachers, ministers, and majority male congregations.  One Baptists minister, Jesse Mercer, a much respected and admired man wrote of just such a “problem” occurring and of the way it made him feel.  Mercer spoke of the consequences of women speaking in the church.  Whether it be praying or prophesizing, he considered both to be equally out of a woman’s role.  He felt that if a woman were to attempt to prophesize she would not be teaching scripture, she would merely be edifying it.  Mercer also felt that if women were allowed any voting rights within the church, they would be stepping outside of their boundaries and that would not be in conjunction with the “obedience and subjection” that was “required of them” [xxxv].  It was attitudes like those of Mercer that held many women back from their full religious potentials.  There were many reasons a woman should or would not challenge the laws of the church.  “Law” is defined as the rules that are agreed upon by a common accord through which a community achieves an end of some sort, and the idea of “order” comes from the state in which a society exists where there is harmony within it’s principles 36.   Even though there were these laws that kept a sense of order within the church, a woman was still allowed to participate in a few religious activities.  Sunday school was an excellent opportunity for women to participate in their religion, and more often than not women were the teachers in the majority of the classes held 37.  Since religion was such an important part of southern women’s lives, it was clear that whatever the differences might have been within the congregations ideals on a woman’s role, it was obvious and almost unanimously acknowledged that piety was a cardinal virtue of women 38.  Another idea that was accepted in almost every church was the fact that women did not control or regulate the church, but the church expected to control and regulate the women.  Nonetheless, in addition to the aspect of the occasional Sunday school lesson, attending church was seen as an outlet to gratify basic religious urges while, at the same time, offering both compensation and an emotional outlet for those lives that for the most part were isolated and drab.

            The status of women in the churches, in their marriages, and in society as a whole was too well written into the cultural pattern for antebellum Georgia women to feel much, if any, resentment towards their treatment in these areas.  Duties and actions of the women during this period were social norms and were looked upon as such by the majority of society.  Women were the caregivers and men were the providers.  Through allowing their lives to be manipulated by men, these women were simply doing what they felt was the correct thing.  Once the roles of women and their relationships with men began to be questioned, changes began to occur over time.  The women of the antebellum South were respectful and dutiful women whose strength may not have been easily seen on the outside, but was clearly a driving force within these women throughout their daily lives.